Arête

Arête: all around human excellence.




I have spent the better portion of the last two years of my life getting to know myself. Of course alongside & with that I have also gotten to know many others, met fabulous, smart, witty, encouraging, even discouraging & vicious people along the way. & I have had many jobs, some at the same time, sometimes all at the same time, others further apart, & that have taken me all over California & even out of the country for a trip last summer. I finished a degree, a prominent relationship, an undergraduate senior thesis paper, a lifestyle, and an era of my life. I have experienced myself in laughter, in love, in harmony, in loneliness, in anger, in defeat, in hope, in inspiration, and even in complete brokenness. I have built myself up from the places I have fallen, time & time again, I have built myself higher & with more depth than I ever thought possible, & I have felt more deeply, intentionally, & authentically then I can ever remember. I found out things about myself I knew & denied, things I know & love, things I know & find rather ugly, things I didn't know & am so thankful to know now, & things that I didn't know & continue to learn their place in myself and my story, my personal arête. 


I know that I am strong.
I know that I am capable of loving people very deeply & intentionally.
I know that I value honesty.
I know that I am independent.
I know that I tend to care about things passionately with my whole being.
I know that I am a bit of a workaholic.
I know that I am bound by fears.
I know that I fear being good enough for those I love.
I know that I fear being forgotten.


I believe in joy.
I believe in community.
I believe in love.
I believe in Jesus Christ.
I believe in commitment.
I believe in learning, always.
I believe that if you care about someone, they should know it.
I believe that sometimes frozen yogurt is the cure-all.


I do not believe lying is the best way, ever.
I do not believe focusing on only ourselves gets us nearer to our full potential.
I do not believe that counting calories benefits us.
I do not know what to expect from tomorrow.
I do not know what career I want to pursue in my future, or now to say the least.
I do not know where love & commitment takes you.
I do not know why I can't help but give second, third, & lots of times fourth chances.


I want to know more about obligation & it's affects on & inside the human brain.
I want to see many places.
I want to read like 7 books at the same time right this minute. (thebigbookofbasketball,waterforelephants,socratesinlove,bittersweetagainagainagain,gossipgirl1,harrypotter6&7.justsayin).
I want to be more loving.
I want to learn more about repressed memory.
I want to learn, constantly.


& I am.
I am learning everyday who I am. & that this is me, & that it's all a big story, 
mine.


Danielle Nicole.




"Know your limits, but never stop trying to exceed them."  --Anonymous Author.

Time to breath.

Today.

The Beach.
New friends.
Sun, lots & lots of it.
Sand, lots of that too.
Swimming under a wave.
Barnes & Noble.
Picking up the Bridesmaid dress for M's wedding.
The pool.
Video message from my parents.
Heytell-ing my roomsicle for the fun of doing it.
Slurpees for 7-11-11.
time, lots of it.

time for me, all of it.

Today I, did me, if you will.
I did things I love & thought about people I love & books I want to read soon, & what I would buy if I had an extra $10, & how fun the midnight showing of the last Harry Potter movie will be, & what I want to eat for dinner, & how I could make this blog look cuter, & how I would decorate my apartment if money wasn't an issue, & how I will decorate my apartment beyond small obstacles. I thought about the reeeealllly good things in my life right now, & the things I can improve on to make other things reeeeallly good too. Things like time management, or speaking to others less abruptly & with a little more love & grace, or remembering & continually working on my summer goals.

Today my mind, & schedule, went just to me.
I cut myself off from some things.
& put myself back into place with some others.
& I think we all need that sometimes, & I definitely needed to do this right about now.
Sometimes I get so caught up in doing things for, or in a certain way, because the people around me desire them or desire them that certain way. Rearranging my schedule, or waiting for calls that don't come for hours if at all, driving all over, offering money I may or  may not have, giving every last bit of myself to fit into someone else's schedule or style of doing things, all in hope of bringing them joy, and more so for them to feel my love. I have such a deep desire for those I'm close to to feel my love for them, and this desire is such a pure reflection of my deep desire to feel theirs for me. In being only in control of myself, and my own actions, and my own love, I strive to love deep, and hard, and genuinely, and this is driven by my own desire to have people in my life who love me deep, hard, & authentically in return.

The last couple of months have definitely been bringing this reflection to the surface of my life & also challenging it by many of those I consider myself close to, those I strive to love purely, and deeply, and genuinely. & In this part of me being so challenged as of late, I am feeling the weight of personal need. I definitely am one to brush aside my own personal needs, especially to fulfill someone near me's needs.  But sometimes you have to receive or feel a little love in return in order to keep on giving, even if that means you have to fill your own tank & take some time to, well, do you, and to love you, & to take time to breath, just for you.

So today, today was for me, & tomorrow is a new day.
Annnnnnnd scene.


Danielle Nicole.