Bildungsroman.

Isn't it funny how things that we could never imagine happening to us, tend to end up happening?
I never imagined myself experiencing many of the things I have in the past 5 years,
especially never did I think I would pursue a career in teaching.
I even remember, ironically, telling someone who suggested the field to me years ago that I was not cut out for that, & that I was on the road to get out of the classroom, hence graduation, not go back to it for a living.
Ha!
Ha is all I have to say to myself right now as I slave behind huge books of literature! Ancient, modern, english, latin, american, prose, poetry, biography, even bildungsroman novels! What?! What does that even mean & how did I get to this position where I must know & be tested on a word and piece of literature described like that???

I guess it goes back to my last semester of undergrad at Azusa Pacific University when I really needed an internship & a friend of mine, also a youth pastor at a church, really needed a helping hand. When I volunteered as a youth leader/mentor I had no intention of getting completely and wholly swallowed up and spit out onto a path in which my heart is completely passionate. The love I have for the students I have now & have had over the years is a crazy love. A love I can only do justice in comparing it to a parental love. I want to protect them with everything I have, guide them in anyway I can, and support them with my whole self. I'm telling you, this love for my students makes me feel like I have 20 kids at times & want what's best for each one of them. Talk about a crazy passion!
I love the part of the life-learning process a high schooler is in. Learning strategies for academic learning and studying, but also learning about becoming who they want to grow to be. Choosing moral standing, style, hobbies to lead to career ideas, what makes their passions peak, & what disappoints them in relationships. These things all start to become real, and serious areas of thought and experiment in high school and I love seeing this process begin. I love walking in areas of confusion, or moments of passion, and even in phases of complete suck, and yes that is the best term for it. Just to acknowledge these students as valid and important and encourage them in dreaming big & living in action really pours out of a part of my heart I didn't even know existed years ago. But as this part of me flows more freely and overflows in other areas of my life as I begin to go to school to pursue a further career involved in student life I realize I am not just mentoring the growth of the student. But they are also walking with me in my own story, my own learning, and my own suck at times. Teaching me what moral standings I prioritize in myself, and in what ways I am gifted in teaching & where I need practice. Grooming me towards a place where I can see myself teaching a class, learning with the students I will teach, and loving that process.

& That my friends, is a small, acorn size piece, of my own bildungsroman story. A formation story, or coming of age story, the focus on the psychological and moral growth of the main character. Cheers to each of your own bildungsroman stories!


Danielle Nicole.

Insp[eye]red.

As I reflect this morning on the people I have met in the last few weeks overseas I am reminded of a post I began over a year ago, more of a continuous thought really, titled "Insp-eye-red." These thoughts began from the connection of simple, yet sacred moments of eye contact with those around me and as I sit here reflecting my time in Africa I am most fondly remembering most intimate moments of eye contact.

I remember these moments best because eyes are powerful.
They are honest, & profound.
They speak words that the tongue cannot express & the body does not give justice to.
"Eyes are the window to the soul" said an old English Proverb,
& I firmly agree with this picture and the idea that eyes lead beyond a body.

People's eyes move me.
Move me to a place of intimate emotion and of curiosity to know more,
to feel more.
Eyes speak big stories.
Stories of loss & struggle,
Of pain, and abandon, and hunger.
But those same eyes, they also speak of a love.
A deep joyful love that seeps out and infects those eyes who meet theirs.

Children,
with no shoes,
a torn dress 3 sizes too big,
but with eyes full of joy and a longing for you to smile when looking at them,
to accept them and embrace them with eyes which look back with a joy and love for who they are.
Because life doesn't need new shoes, and ice, and running showers daily.
Life is improved by luxuries, even the smallest ones yes.
but what life needs,
is love.
is joy.
is hope.
And that is where my prayers begin,
with the hope, and the joy, and the love of those eyes whom met my own.



Danielle Nicole.