Be Desperate.

We often love conveniently,
comfortably, conditionally, easily, affordably, rationally.

But what about the things that we love desperately?
Aren't those the things that speak from the deepest depths of our souls?
The things that speak most honestly about our dreams and desires, but also directly about our fears and flaws as well.
Those we love desperately have a separate hold on us.
We love them with all that we have.
That makes us uncomfortable in moments.
The thought of losing those things and people can't be imagined without being connected with deeply intimate pain.
And so we stand in fear of that kind of love. The kind of love that pushes our limits and exceeds our expectations.
We cover up our love for those kinds of things by playing too cool for hugging mom, or playing hard to get for that guy of our dreams, or by holding back from our friendships. Loving desperately makes us feel weak and vulnerable, and we are not okay with that.

But what if we overcame the fear of loving things out of our control.
Like loving friends, those who can choose at any moment to love us back or to leave us. Seriously scary, and yet, we love them desperately, just in secret.

How much richer our lives would be if we could love them desperately out loud; without care of love in return. How much more we could offer those around us that would affirm and bloom one another if we would allow ourselves to love desperately. We don't naturally live our lives in relationships to their full potential, and I am not outside of this we. I do not live naturally to my full potential; there are only a very few who know that I love them desperately.

But what if I chose to love more desperately.
What if I chose to look right at my fears, of rejection, and abuse, and abandon, and then choose to look beyond those, at the person those fears stand in front of. Seeing their needs and fears beyond my own.
I think we desperately need to conquer fear. It constrains us, usually in those places we feel most comfort, the places that keep us stagnant.
We were made for so much more, let's live that way, starting with how we love each other; desperately, with all the efforts we're made of.




Danielle Nicole.

Attraction to Detail.

I am attracted to detail.

There is something inside me that is so completely fulfilled by someone's unique & intricate attention to details. That same part of me also draws me in to things that require a deep attention to detail, such as planning an event. This photo might describe me better than most words can. It was taken from a Tea Party I planned for a very dear friend of mine's birthday last year. The very act of gluing lace, punching paper hearts, or of finding delicate vintage beads & pearls to drape across each table adds details so small, yet so very important to me. A hint of burlap, a cube of sugar, the broken handle of my Goodwill treasured tea pot, all of these things are the kinds of things I notice in my daily life. The way things layer, the way things feel, and the way that layers and feelings can add to an event or to a moment of someone's life.

In this desire of my heart, I am attracted to hand written cards, photographs, flowers, language through eyes, textures, and sparkle. And, yet, while details really add a certain something that soothes my senses, the most important details in any event revolve around the people attending. Will they be comfortable? Will they feel at home? Will they feel loved?

These are three particular details I find most important in every moment of my life. I want those I love, and those I surround myself with to feel comfortable, at home, and loved, especially in the moments I am with them. It is in those three details that I feel relationships, at least those I am involved in, are able not only to survive, but to thrive, and to grow, and to mature. I want to grow in my relationships to a higher, deeper, more intimate potential everyday, and I think a good starting place is feeling comfortable, at home, and loved in relationship with those that will allow and push me to grow.





Danielle Nicole.

To Be, To Love, To Eat.

 A Shauna Niequist book never fails to meet me right where I am at, and her latest, Bread & Wine, falls into suit once more. As I finished this book I thought about the times I had first read Cold Tangerines and then Bittersweet.

When I remember the season I first read Cold Tangerines I remember a second year of college with all of it's excitements and unknowns, but also the knowns and comforts of being a second year and not a freshman. It was sparkly and fun and screamed celebration all of the time. There were celebrations for living in our first apartment, for declaring our majors, and for dating our first serious boyfriends. I started my first small group off by having us all dive into this book. We got to know each other and learned fun, little, somewhat surfacy, but genuine things about one another throughout each page turned. 

And then our group stayed together and grew. And life kept happening as it does. Over the course of the next year and a half there were disappointments, and breakups, and deaths that were near to us. And just when we thought we couldn’t handle one more thing paining our hearts, bittersweet came to our doors and as we tried to wait for one another in different parts of the state to come together to read it, we each ended up reading it cover to cover in a couple days and bursting into confessions when we finally met faces. Bittersweet pulled us up from the graves we were stuck in, from the muck and tears, and darknesses we were blinded by and gave us new light, and new perspective. It reminded us of the good and of the Lord’s faithfulness, and of the truly bittersweet nature of this life.

And here I am now having just finished Bread & Wine, with those same girls, now begging me to send them my copy when I am finished so they can sneak a peak before their copies reach their doors. As we sat around the table tonight eating Shauna’s Basic Risotto and giving updates, I couldn't feel more at home, or at peace, or in the presence of God. Just eating, and sharing honest bits of food and of life together really is one of the most spiritual things we can do. Bread & Wine is gently calling me out. Reminding me what is needed at my core. Begging me to slow down and just be, and love, and eat. And as we caught up and drank red wine and finished our meal with vanilla ice cream swirled with cookie butter that night I was reminded of the chapter in Bread & Wine, A Bass Player's Birthday and this gem within it:

"But that night wasn't about the food. The food and the table and the laughter helped to create sacred space, a place to give someone the gift of words. That's what the night was about-- sacred space and words of love. Well, that and fresh raspberry ice cream." 

sacred space & words of love. 

Something each of us girls needed and provided that night together, around the table. Thanks Shauna for the beautiful reminder, and for the invitation for this group of girls to slow down, to love, and to eat. 

Danielle Nicole.

"My prayer is that we'll find ourselves drawn closer and closer to the heart of the story, the beautiful, beating heart of it all, that the chaos around us and within us will recede, and the most important things will be clear and lovely at every turn. I pray that we'll understand the transforming power that lies in saying no, because it's an act of faith, a tangible demonstration of the belief that you are so much more than what you do. I pray that we'll live with intention, hope, and love in this wild season and in every season, and that the God who loves us will bring new life to our worn-out hearts this year and every year, that we'll live, truly and deeply, in the present, instead of waiting, waiting, waiting for perfect." 

--Shauna Niequist, Bread & Wine.

"Gather the people you love around your table and feed them with love, honesty, and creativity. Feed them with your hands and the flavors and smells that remind you of home and beauty and the best stories you've ever heard, the best stories you've ever lived."

--Shauna Niequist, Bread & Wine.