Lately I have been struggling.
& as much as I hate it, I am so interested in Human emotions
& behavior, especially during times of struggle or trial.
The strength of the heart is something that is very intriguing to me.
"Good days" are refreshing & fun & light, & considered normal even.
But I think its the "bad days" that really hold more weight.
Its these days that our hearts learn & feel & build itself into something beautiful.
Or more beautiful I should say.
The way a heart learns strength & care, attachment & trust is something hard to put into words or theories, but something so easy to feel.
Lately my heart has been hurting, or aching maybe.
My heart desires so much to have honest & authentic relationships.
But I think I am realizing as of late that many of the relationships that I thought were authentic in my life, are turning out to be artificial, "when convenient" relationships.
This ache in my heart is deep.
It runs through my heart and into my body & my mind.
The very core of who I am is wrapped around
core values of honesty & authenticity.
So the realization of the lack of these in my life
is a cause of pain, but also of growth.
I am trying to observe,
& learn from these desires of my heart & this pain.
Because I believe in the beauty of pain,
& the redemption that seeps through pain & heartbreak.
Today I am struggling, & tomorrow is new.
Danielle Nicole.
I wrote this last night, probably while you were writing the above:
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When its convenient?
When you are loved in return?
When you benefit in some way?
When do you love?
When the other person is pretty?
When they listen to your words?
When they accept your mistakes?
When do you love?
When it doesn’t require sacrifice?
When nothing difficult is asked?
When they are willing to look past your sin?
When you do you love?
DANI. I know I do love you. I think the bad days have made me worse, I feel like my heart is hardened and shredded and there is little hope for recovery. It may be the moment I am in and the acceptance of the evil ones lies, but its how I feel. And authentic relationship = o, how I cried out to you about this last night too. I will strive to continue to be more honest with you, I am doing my best at being open so that you may hold me accountable and so you really know me and so our friendship is true.
Just know, that similar feelings are being felt in my world too. Wish I was home with you. I love you and my prayers for you will last beyond all day long today.
Rinne. I love you, so utterly much. You put me back together on the days(which there are many) that I fall apart. Count me in to be there anytime you fall apart, no judgment, no fears, just love. love you.
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