It seriously never fails that once you put your foot down & decide on something for your life, the opposites of what you are deciding tend to start creeping in, or working against all odds. & I feel like this is especially true during the season of lent. Just when you decide you are going to give up Facebook for Lent, some insane deal that you can only get by liking a company's Facebook page occurs, or you give up chocolate & you happen to win a months supply of free See's, or you give up men & the one you wonder about decides he wants to let you in. The irony.
But this irony is one that holds power. The power of testing us and our ability to choose what we want in the immediate, or what we want in the long run. A test of impulse vs. discipline, because the things we wanted at a moment would come to our fingertips when we decide to take a step back & withdraw from them, go figure. These moments of irony bring us to a cross road of choosing what we think is best, choosing what is important to us. Choosing if we just want immediacy, or if we want to wait the good wait if it brings better for us.
What is important to me are the people in my life. The people who fill my thoughts and my heart, the ones who walk with me, who live lives parallel, but also perpendicular to my own. Ones who live next to me daily, but also those who live across the country, or even the globe. People who have stories and life to them that make my own story so much more valuable and intimate. I want these people to be happy, to be filled, to be cared for and for them to know it. In this desire for those in my life, I want to be someone who is synonymous to this, who adds joy and who brings care to their lives. In order for me to do this I am learning I must also take care of myself. If I'm honest, I wish I could take care of others & I would follow in place with magic care taken of myself. But if I'm real, that's not how it works.
No, in order for me to bring joy and care to those in my life, I must take a step back and look at how to best care for them. And that's what I did this year when this Lent season came. I don't choose to fast or add something every year, but this year a desire to be physically healthy with an calm, open heart weighed in my mind as a way to extend my ability to care for those in my life. My response to this was a motivation to follow through on this desire that has stirred inside me for quite some time now. I have a heart that has experienced a wealth of trauma, loss, and pain, but that same heart has a tremendous amount of resilience, or fight, for why it beats; for those dear to me. So really, I think I owe it to the strength of my heart and the way it continues to surprise me with strength and more fight than I could have ever imagined myself to have 5 years ago, to really motivate myself in physical health, as well as guarding my heart to allow for a peace and openness to replace the fears and the flight. Even if in the middle of this decision, my body begs me to sleep instead of run, and my insecurities beg me to seek momentary attention from men instead of waiting it out and remembering my worth. I owe it to my resilient heart and my desire to ultimately be someone who brings deep care and joy to those in my life, to exercise and run in this season and to wait the good wait, seeking respect and a reminder of worth for myself.
I think I may even owe all the past pain, & future pain while I'm at it, a thank you down the road, for teaching my heart how to fight, how to not lose hope, and how to love so deeply.
What is important to me are the people in my life. The people who fill my thoughts and my heart, the ones who walk with me, who live lives parallel, but also perpendicular to my own. Ones who live next to me daily, but also those who live across the country, or even the globe. People who have stories and life to them that make my own story so much more valuable and intimate. I want these people to be happy, to be filled, to be cared for and for them to know it. In this desire for those in my life, I want to be someone who is synonymous to this, who adds joy and who brings care to their lives. In order for me to do this I am learning I must also take care of myself. If I'm honest, I wish I could take care of others & I would follow in place with magic care taken of myself. But if I'm real, that's not how it works.
No, in order for me to bring joy and care to those in my life, I must take a step back and look at how to best care for them. And that's what I did this year when this Lent season came. I don't choose to fast or add something every year, but this year a desire to be physically healthy with an calm, open heart weighed in my mind as a way to extend my ability to care for those in my life. My response to this was a motivation to follow through on this desire that has stirred inside me for quite some time now. I have a heart that has experienced a wealth of trauma, loss, and pain, but that same heart has a tremendous amount of resilience, or fight, for why it beats; for those dear to me. So really, I think I owe it to the strength of my heart and the way it continues to surprise me with strength and more fight than I could have ever imagined myself to have 5 years ago, to really motivate myself in physical health, as well as guarding my heart to allow for a peace and openness to replace the fears and the flight. Even if in the middle of this decision, my body begs me to sleep instead of run, and my insecurities beg me to seek momentary attention from men instead of waiting it out and remembering my worth. I owe it to my resilient heart and my desire to ultimately be someone who brings deep care and joy to those in my life, to exercise and run in this season and to wait the good wait, seeking respect and a reminder of worth for myself.
I think I may even owe all the past pain, & future pain while I'm at it, a thank you down the road, for teaching my heart how to fight, how to not lose hope, and how to love so deeply.
They say the best things are worth fighting for, right?
Isn't it ironic, don'tcha think?
Danielle Nicole.
Love this post. One of the best songs ever, so relatable!!
ReplyDeleteYour goal has made me run a little bit more, too. Not everyday, but you are motivating! Keep blogging, I love it!!